just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
