he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
