I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
