You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
