I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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