I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
