A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
