Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
