So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
