WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Terrible idea I love it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
