That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
