you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
