You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
