Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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