We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
