In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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