I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
