so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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