When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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