I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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