So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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