was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
