his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
