P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
