She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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