you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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