wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
