Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
