how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
