i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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