Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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