You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
