Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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