ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
