to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
