She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We have so much sex to catch up on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
