so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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