Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
