So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
