Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
