Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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