drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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