I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
