If that was your dad, he is hot
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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