i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
