Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
