What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
