How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
