Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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