True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
