mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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