I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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