I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want to make a zoo with you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
