Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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